i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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