I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
