watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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