My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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