I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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