He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I want to be your penis for a week.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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