i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
