so that wasnt chicken after all
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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