for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
