dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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