discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
