I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
either way he was missing a nipple.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
