making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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