he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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