ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
should my penis look like a turkey
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
