They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
