good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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