i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize