she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
