I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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