There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
