When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
