When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize