3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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