I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize