btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
