party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
