just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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