I have demons in me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
