I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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