i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
