OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
