Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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