i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
