smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
3 2 1 whiskey
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
