Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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