First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
