He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
