Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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