Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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