Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
