either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
