i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize