pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
