He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
