If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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