Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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