Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
