u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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