Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wish my penis had a tongue
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
