Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
