so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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