I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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