whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
