I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
