Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
