so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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