I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
