his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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