Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
