soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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