Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
