i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
