At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize