Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
