A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
