so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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