Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
