My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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