btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
