Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
