just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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