if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize