I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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