i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
