I wanna passion pit in your ass
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
sarcasm needs its own font
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
